Questions to Ask Yourself

Can You Provide For Your Child?
Birth parents choose adoption for many reasons. Some chose adoption because they know they can’t provide for a child’s needs at this time in life. It’s good to know where you are and doesn’t mean you are a bad person if you can’t provide the support and care that a baby or child requires.

There are many crucial and important factors needed to raising a healthy child, including having financial security which is an important part of being a parent to a baby. This includes a steady well-paying job, childcare expenses can be high and you can’t depend on family. What if they can’t watch the baby for days? What would your options be? A baby needs a safe home and environment. Another area to consider is how you will pay for the items needed to care and support both yourself and your child and maybe the birth mother with child support?

Some birth parents might have family that are willing to help care for them and the child but not the cost of child support. Discussing the options with your family about what they can realistically offer long term for both you and your child is important. Are you willing to be under their rules and obligated to them because they are sacrificing their time and money to help you. In some situations it can get old, then the burden is still back on you. Be clear on what your plans are with the birth mother and family after the birth of the baby. Have a frank discussion about what they are willing to provide in regards to financial support and child care even if the birth mother is involved in the care. Getting this info far in advance of the birth is crucial to being able to make the best decision for your baby.

Are you Emotionally Ready to be a Parent?
Getting real, asking tough questions are what guys need to do. You want to make sure that you are now emotionally ready to be a good responsible parent for your baby now and into the future. Maybe you feel you are too young to be a father or have limitations in knowing how to be a good parent. Did you have good role models? Most men will parent the way their parents parented. They model what they saw and how they were treated. Some can learn to be a better parent with focused effort. Some birth fathers feel emotionally they couldn’t take the stress of being a father right now or do not have the patience. This doesn’t mean that they aren’t good men, but the timing and situation is not good.

This sad reality is found in studies that have researched young parents showing that, on average, children who are born to teens and into early 20’s parents are less likely to ever reach their full potential and are likely to delay a child’s social and emotional wellbeing.

Guys and gals are still trying to develop their own life skills and problem-solving abilities that will prepare them to confront and navigate life’s challenges – both unplanned and anticipated – in adulthood. It’s hard to bring a child into the equation when you’re trying to figure things out for your own life.

Even for the most prepared parents, raising a healthy, secure and happy child is one of life’s major challenges as a parent. If you’re not ready or too immature, trying to parent, work, and have a social life will test the strongest of men and push you beyond your limits at times. The emotional toll it takes to parent when you aren’t ready is hard for anyone but can be extremely hard if your own self-image and emotional health is not good. Children always test the boundaries and require constant 24 hour care. You can’t depend on your parents to be there most of the time. Your life as you know it now will vanish. Knowing your limitations is a key part of deciding if parenting or adoption is the best choice for you.

Have you ever contributed to the regular financial support and maintenance of another child?
Are you helping the baby mama now with expenses of being pregnant? This is also a nice time to open up communication with her and provide her with maternity clothes and support. Let her know you’re willing to speak with an Adoption Coordinator and help be part of her adoption decision.

Have you regularly visited or shown an interest in the welfare of your other child?
If not, this might be a good wake up call to step up and be the dad these other children so badly need and deserve. By trying to block an adoption of a new baby, you are causing more stress and work for you and the child’s mother. Each child deserves a dad and mom that are there for them every day and would sacrifice for their wellbeing. When you agree to an adoption plan for this child you are showing what a good man you are and how deep your love goes. Other birth fathers have shared that once they gave consent for the adoption, they were able to see how they could focus on the other children they already had. These men said they had fallen asleep at the wheel and once they got honest about what kind of dad they were now they knew they couldn’t do this to another child. It snapped them into reality and with that honesty within themselves, they found they were stronger yet more caring to others around them.

You’re under no obligation to choose adoption but it’s helpful to have a chance to learn about your options early in the pregnancy when possible.

Did you know we’re here 24/7 to help you?  1-800-923-6784. We don’t judge you or pressure you. We just listen and help you determine the best thing. We also have licensed counselors you can speak to confidentially. There is never a cost to you.